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AKH Online, Inc

Accomplished Internauts

The IT Zen of Futurama
The IT Zen of Futurama

Bender learns a core principle of Information Technology:

Users clamor for change, but some might complain when you give it to them.

Web Development Lexicon

Web Development Lexicon

Here is a copy of an ancient work (well, in Internet years), I first authored while working my first Web Development job at PeopleLink.

Enjoy the references to outdated technologies and business types; and to a day when hardly anything was available "off the shelf".


Lexicon for Web Site Developers


Above the Fold

The area of a web page first visible, using the same browser as the CEO, preferably with the same type of display as the CEO. For the most important part of any web page to have an impact on users (including your CEO), make sure it's "Above the Fold".


Once applied to the network's capacity to carry data, now used ad nauseam by net executives to any conversation involving the ability to do something (i.e. "manpower"). "Do we have the Bandwidth to finish the site on time?" "Does the caterer have the Bandwidth to handle our meeting?" "Does my vocabulary have the Bandwidth to make people think I understand the internet?"


Reduction in available time to actually write the code, which is produced when a client delays provision of any definitive software requirement or concept on time (usually due to Lumberjacking), but refuses to understand why the actual launch date needs to be altered. (see Dreadline)


Inactivity that comes from waiting for another developer to get the data needed to finish a component that you need to start work on your code, which is a vital interface required by another developer in order to populate the database with the table data needed by the first developer.


Highly caffeinated beverage of the programmer's choice (i.e. Jolt™, Mountain Dew™, Strong Coffee, etc)
syn. Crank


"Development By Revision". A process of content creation whereby the client is fully able to suggest changes to marketing's preliminary mock-ups (usually one change at a time), while lacking the ability to specify what they actually want in the first place.


Resulting from either the lack of a concrete requirement specification by the client, or any completion points by the developer, or both; To paraphrase a famous quote made by Walt Disney as he opened Disneyland: (The site) will never be complete as long as there's imagination left in the world. (see "Dev-By-Rev")


Syn. for "business model", but more impressive than "business model" because everyone else is already using "business model" instead of "plan".
It has been argued that DNA somehow exists as something separate, superior or more vague than "business model", as many VC funded internet companies find business models too bothersome to update and maintain.


Fixed final launch date when assigned before the provision of any requirement, specification or mock-up of what's to be launched. (see "Dev-By-Rev")


Code in a web page which appears to have been placed there only to impress the user as to the ability of the programmer. Examples include displays of the current date or time, or page hit counters that boast the attainment of about one hundred or so page visits.


A client who engages in the practice of frequently asking for the same impossible feature over a broad period of time to higher departments while ignoring the answer; hoping that the frequency of asking will somehow  will the feature into the realm of technical possibility.

Front Sage

Marketing's use of a $40+ per hour web engineer to "brainstorm some ideas" for web content, instead of PhotoShop™.

Grave Site

A web site one year after completion, when there was no plan for any subsequent publicity, revision, enhancement or improvement.


Hollywood Operating System Refers to the ability for any character in a movie or TV show to sit down at a foreign computer and instantly grasp the programs and security schemes within. Also refers to the unique graphical displays one sees in close-up shots when receiving email messages or deleting files, and the magical ability for a characters' computer to correctly shut down simply by pressing a button on the monitor.


1) Little Crumb Doughnuts
2) Little Chocolate Doughnuts


Spending so much time in meetings designing and re-designing a web site that the resulting navigation scheme and/or corporate gibberish could only be understood by someone as deep into the same forest as the team that designed it.


The act of increasing the traffic on one's own domain, through the use of staff members who participate in chat rooms, email groups, message boards or other high-profile activity; to make the enterprise appear more vibrant to interested executives.

Nethernet Startup

A well, perhaps over-funded organization that's "dedicated to the building of a new Internet paradigm or technology", which farms out the actual building or technology parts to outside contractors and is therefore staffed primarily of netlessecutives incapable of writing any code or answering a technical question within a phone call.


High-ranking employee who displays a wealth of excellent knowledge on business startup, administration, promotions and marketing; while at the same time demonstrating an obvious dearth of any practical Internet experience. (Actual email: "We'll Fed-Ex you a diskette with the artwork.")


(aka "Nethernet Packet-Loss")
The phenomenon that occurs when a contractor working on a firm's feature needs a technical answer to interface with another feature built by a different contractor. Since putting the two contractor's in direct contact with each other would reveal the parent firm to be a nethernet, the technical Q & A is doomed to traverse many netlessecutives between source and destination, resulting in loss of signal purity and multiple re-transmissions.

Researchless Development

Development of an entire suite of internet products based on a business, buzzword or methodology that's already been registered, patented or saturated by others.